The Road Often Traveled
I look back at my many days spent in “Social Model” detoxes and think, “What kind of abuse was that???”
In my teens it was perfectly acceptable for my step-dad to beat the hell out of me-I called the Sheriff’s once…they laughed.
In my 20’s I was perfectly OK with doing a “spin-dry” with a bunch of other alkies and junkies-no meds needed (and even if they were we weren’t getting any.)
Don’t think I could do that today…body’s too beat up and the truth is modern medicine has turned a whole bunch of former die-hard dope fiends into very big cry-babies…myself very included.
Thanks for visiting Fred. Checked out your place briefly and will definitely return….As long as you’re not, well, like a “Friend of Jack T.”….. Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
Maybe all “recovery” really is, after all is said and done, is the realization that I won’t ever get a medal for tying my shoes in the morning.
And that can really suck, some days…
“I won’t ever get a medal for tying my shoes in the morning.”
Me, neither. That’s it in a nutshell. Great statement!
When I start talking about my teenage years, my daughter laughs and says, “Yeah, back ‘the day’”…..
So, back in “the day”, I thought that I was invincible, like most teenagers. I could shove things in my mouth, snort things in my nose, drink any and all types of alcohol and feel OK by noon the next day. We took it for granted, didn’t we? So, now, we are “crybabies”.
I WANT/NEED that fix…whatever it might be. Being bipolar and ADD, I am required to take some meds (if I don’t want to lose everyone around me). But, that’s just not good enough. I want that immediate fix. The fix that kicks in RIGHT NOW!
Being older, and hopefully wise, I know that the fix that I want is not what I need. What I need has to come from inside me. But, I just can’t seem to pull it out.
Ya see…I’m an addict, too. I’m addicted to the easy way out. The way out that comes from ingesting something/anything.
I don’t want to be an addict. Who does? I just can’t seem to find my way out of it. No street drugs. Not that I wouldn’t take them if I had them. No, I run and get my fixes from a pusher with a MD after his name. But, I won’t lie to myself. Addiction is addiction no matter where you go or how you feed it.
Recovery is a constant process. Recovery is that ONE day that you get through without popping that pill. Recovery is, as D. Estitue said so eloquently, “the realization that I won’t ever get a medal for tying my shoes in the morning” but still trying to.